I knew it would happen eventually. A day would come where I would just blow the hell out of my eating plan and eat everything in sight. Yesterday was that day.
*Sigh* I know what caused it, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Anything I say will sound like an excuse, at least to my ears. I am frustrated with myself.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Icky Things
*Warning-This post contains icky things. If you have a weak stomach or are a bit squeemish, don't read.
I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not a fun disease. One day I am constipated, the next I have the scoots. I also have no gall bladder, which means, I cannot process fat or oils. In theory, they are supposed to just go right through me. They don't. They stick to my hips like glue. Now salad goes right through me. Doesn't even stop to digest, it comes out leaves and everything. As you might have guessed, this *HURTS*!
On a darker note, I am also bulimic. Granted I am a recovering bulimic, but I am still a bulimic. Whenever I eat I automatically want to go and throw up or take something to make me poop it out. Not doing this, is something that is *very* hard for me. Especially when I look at myself and see how much weight I have gained over the past 10 years. It saddens me. I used to be so beautiful and I know I still am, but with all this weight it is difficult to see.
I haven't been exercising like I want to. I have been in so much pain lately that it makes it impossible to do. So I need to do it on days when I can. What I really miss is walking. You can really enjoy the world when you walk. Not to mention that it keeps your body in harmony.
I seem to have lost my train of thought. That is all for this post. Take care and be well to all my followers.
I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Not a fun disease. One day I am constipated, the next I have the scoots. I also have no gall bladder, which means, I cannot process fat or oils. In theory, they are supposed to just go right through me. They don't. They stick to my hips like glue. Now salad goes right through me. Doesn't even stop to digest, it comes out leaves and everything. As you might have guessed, this *HURTS*!
On a darker note, I am also bulimic. Granted I am a recovering bulimic, but I am still a bulimic. Whenever I eat I automatically want to go and throw up or take something to make me poop it out. Not doing this, is something that is *very* hard for me. Especially when I look at myself and see how much weight I have gained over the past 10 years. It saddens me. I used to be so beautiful and I know I still am, but with all this weight it is difficult to see.
I haven't been exercising like I want to. I have been in so much pain lately that it makes it impossible to do. So I need to do it on days when I can. What I really miss is walking. You can really enjoy the world when you walk. Not to mention that it keeps your body in harmony.
I seem to have lost my train of thought. That is all for this post. Take care and be well to all my followers.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Progress
I went in for my weight check yesterday and I am down to 410.8 lbs. That is quite an improvement over what I started out with. I won't lie, it has been really hard.
I suppose it isn't supposed to be easy. The easy part was putting on the weight, now I really have to work for it to get it off.
I have set small goals for myself, I want to get down to 400 lbs. by June. That is 10 lbs in 4 months. If I can't do that, then I am in real trouble. :)
So, what have I been doing to keep the weight off and continue to lose more weight? Good question. I have been drinking a lot of water and milk. Yes, 2% milk, but I *hate* skim milk. I have been counting calories. That seems to work for me very well vs. the low fat, low carb, low taste options. I use this little book called "The Calorie King Calorie, fat & carbohydrate counter". I use it to count calories for eating out. I must tell you it has helped me quite a bit. Fast food has a ton of calories in it. Understanding what is safe to eat at a fast food place has made my life so much easier. (We eat a lot of fast food for lunch at work) I have also discovered that fiber is very good. Yes, the whole grain hype isn't just hype. It really works! It cleans out your system and makes you feel really good!
I suppose it isn't supposed to be easy. The easy part was putting on the weight, now I really have to work for it to get it off.
I have set small goals for myself, I want to get down to 400 lbs. by June. That is 10 lbs in 4 months. If I can't do that, then I am in real trouble. :)
So, what have I been doing to keep the weight off and continue to lose more weight? Good question. I have been drinking a lot of water and milk. Yes, 2% milk, but I *hate* skim milk. I have been counting calories. That seems to work for me very well vs. the low fat, low carb, low taste options. I use this little book called "The Calorie King Calorie, fat & carbohydrate counter". I use it to count calories for eating out. I must tell you it has helped me quite a bit. Fast food has a ton of calories in it. Understanding what is safe to eat at a fast food place has made my life so much easier. (We eat a lot of fast food for lunch at work) I have also discovered that fiber is very good. Yes, the whole grain hype isn't just hype. It really works! It cleans out your system and makes you feel really good!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Discouragement
I knew it would happen. My husband knew it would happen. He told me ahead of time it would happen. I just hoped it wouldn't.
I am discouraged. I haven't been journaled in a while, approximatly 20 days. Why? Call it a rebellious streak. Call it what you will. I just don't want to do it. It isn't that I haven't been doing my excerciese and eating right, I have. I just don't want to journal. It is like the small child that lives inside of me is stomping her foot and saying, "NO!" and she is hard enough to deal with on a regular basis, but when I am emotionally compromised, like I am now, she is a real pain.
Why am I emotionally compromised? Oh, well, my dad needs a triple bypass. Yeah. That is stressfull enough, but he is 72 and had both cartroid arteries operated on before so it makes it even worse.
Also, we brought our van in for minor repairs and discovered a nasty valve problem that is going to cost us $580.00 to fix. Ouch. So much for the tires we were going to put on the van. :(
So that is my story for right now. I am certain things will get better eventually. But for now things are not very good.
I am discouraged. I haven't been journaled in a while, approximatly 20 days. Why? Call it a rebellious streak. Call it what you will. I just don't want to do it. It isn't that I haven't been doing my excerciese and eating right, I have. I just don't want to journal. It is like the small child that lives inside of me is stomping her foot and saying, "NO!" and she is hard enough to deal with on a regular basis, but when I am emotionally compromised, like I am now, she is a real pain.
Why am I emotionally compromised? Oh, well, my dad needs a triple bypass. Yeah. That is stressfull enough, but he is 72 and had both cartroid arteries operated on before so it makes it even worse.
Also, we brought our van in for minor repairs and discovered a nasty valve problem that is going to cost us $580.00 to fix. Ouch. So much for the tires we were going to put on the van. :(
So that is my story for right now. I am certain things will get better eventually. But for now things are not very good.
Friday, November 26, 2010
*whew*
I made it through Turkey day without major binging. Oh the tepmptation was there, but all I had to do was remind myself of all the sit-ups I would have to do to burn off all those calories and suddenly it wasn't so appetizing after all. I must admit, I did indulge in more carbs than I would have liked to do.
I am really tired today. I haven't slept well in the last week. I really am looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday. :)
I am really tired today. I haven't slept well in the last week. I really am looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday. :)
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thanksgiving
Thankgsiving is upon us. I have so much to be thankful for, I don't know where to begin. I am thankful for my friends and family, who support me and lift me up when I am down. I have a roof over my head that doesn't leak, my apartment is warm in the winter and cool in the summer.
That being said, I am depressed and sad. I miss family who have passed away. I miss my friends who are far away. I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone else is moving in fast-forward. It is so hard to explain how I feel when I am depressed. One analogy is like being underwater. You move much slower and feel like your holding your breath.
That being said, I am depressed and sad. I miss family who have passed away. I miss my friends who are far away. I feel like I am moving in slow motion while everyone else is moving in fast-forward. It is so hard to explain how I feel when I am depressed. One analogy is like being underwater. You move much slower and feel like your holding your breath.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The November Dismals
It is a week before Thanksgiving and I am feeling miserable. Seasonal depression has hit me hard. I just want to sleep all the time and I don't feel like doing anything productive. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankfull for all I have. I really am! I am simply exhausted, have a headache most of the time and the Holidays haven't even started yet. *sigh* I know how to get rid of the headache-get new glasses, but we can't afford them.
The diet is still working, but I have hit a snag. I stopped journalling for a few days and boy I can see the difference in my eating habits. I will resume the journal tomorrow. I am losing between 1 and 5 lbs a week. This week wasn't so good, I only lost 1/2 a lb. :( But I know I can do better and I will do better. Hey, I doubled my sit-ups this week. Now if I could only walk more, but my knees just won't let me. They really hurt.
I am trying to be upbeat, but today I am very down. I think I am entitled to have bad times too. I know I will pull out of this, but for now I just have to ride it out.
The diet is still working, but I have hit a snag. I stopped journalling for a few days and boy I can see the difference in my eating habits. I will resume the journal tomorrow. I am losing between 1 and 5 lbs a week. This week wasn't so good, I only lost 1/2 a lb. :( But I know I can do better and I will do better. Hey, I doubled my sit-ups this week. Now if I could only walk more, but my knees just won't let me. They really hurt.
I am trying to be upbeat, but today I am very down. I think I am entitled to have bad times too. I know I will pull out of this, but for now I just have to ride it out.
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