Anxious

I am a very anxious person. I cannot remember a day that I didn't feel anxious about something. I wish I didn't. I wish that experience hadn't taught me to wait for the other shoe to drop or the hammer to fall. But experience is the hardest teacher, and she is a real bitch.

This week we are supposed to be inspected by our apartment caretakers. Even though they called me and told me that the inspection was cancelled, I don't believe them. Experience has taught me that if it is too good to be true, it probibly is. So, we are scrubbing the apartment from top to bottom just to make certain that the caretakers have nothing to complain about and evict us.

I don't want to move again. I like it here. It is quiet for the most part, I can hear the birds, the neighbors are okay, and it is convienent to get around town. Most of all though, we have no other place to go. The possiblity of being homeless is a very good motivator.

You wonder why I am so scared? I have been homeless before. I don't want to go back there again. Thus the anxiety over the possiblity of losing my home. Perhaps I will write about it, perhaps I won't. But now it's lunchtime and I want to eat pizza.