Perfection

I know that perfection is impossible to reach but yesterday I came as close as I possibly could. I made the perfect apple pie. The crust was light and flakey, the filling was still slightly crisp, but perfectly sweet and spicy. The top crust was a light, golden brown and there was no spillage of the filling. I am so thrilled!

You may ask why this is such a big deal to me. Simple. I can make wonderful cakes and cookies but pies have always illuded me. The filling isn't right or the crust is too hard or cardboard like. I finally hit on the perfect pie crust recipe and method for making the crust. Oh, I am so happy! :)

Blessed

We have been so blessed lately. THings are going well for us. We have the one thing that we have always wanted, *enough*. Enoungh food to fill our bellies, enough money to pay our bills and have some left over for other things, enough towels to dry us, enough toys to play with and enough love to go around.
We are blessed and I am glad.

A Deeper Shade of Blue

Depression is one of the most insidious forms of mental illness. I suffer from Manic Depression, which means I can have wild mood swings. Mostly though I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to eat, I don't want to move. My life seems to go in slow motion. I get snippy and grumpy. The whole world seems to misunderstand me and I it.
The world as a whole, says that they understand depression, but when someone is depressed addresses that person as though they have a cold or a virus that can simply be medicated and fixed. That isn't how it works.
Depression is a disease like diabetes. When a diabetic has problems with thier insulin levels, they have to adjust their mediciation and try to live through the issues the best that they can. There is no cure for diabetes, yet. There is no cure for depression either. Although there are many television commercials that will tell you if you take this certain medication your depression will get better, they are lying. Medication is only part of the treatment of depression. Working with a doctor and a therapist is imparative. Even then there are going to be issues that have to be worked through. There is no easy answer or cure for depression.

I went off track on my thoughts and they wrote themselves. Try to be more understanding of someone who suffers from Depression. They cannot simply cheer up, they cannot "get over it". They are survivors who need your understanding and support.

July Afternoon

It has been a very quiet July day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining and I am alone. After the events and losses over the past couple weeks, I will take the quiet. My husband is out working on his various projects and my son's are spending quality time with their grandparents. I am enjoying myself with various little things that make me happy like listening to the birds, playing my video game and doing nothing at all.
There is a great value in doing nothing. It centers us and makes us still. In today's world we are not still enough. Too much running and going and email and texting makes our world such a loud and busy place. You can't go into a bathroom without somoene on their phone in the stall next to you! Gaah. Give me a quiet day, a day for some downtime. No phones, no computer, no tv. You will see me a much healthier and happier person for it.

Being still

I spent today in quiet stillness. No tv, radio or internet. I listened to the quiet and was still with it.
I need that every now and again. When the world is becoming too loud and too intrusive into my life I need to take a day of peace. I suggest you do the same.

Who is the bad guy, really?

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Anxious

I am a very anxious person. I cannot remember a day that I didn't feel anxious about something. I wish I didn't. I wish that experience hadn't taught me to wait for the other shoe to drop or the hammer to fall. But experience is the hardest teacher, and she is a real bitch.

This week we are supposed to be inspected by our apartment caretakers. Even though they called me and told me that the inspection was cancelled, I don't believe them. Experience has taught me that if it is too good to be true, it probibly is. So, we are scrubbing the apartment from top to bottom just to make certain that the caretakers have nothing to complain about and evict us.

I don't want to move again. I like it here. It is quiet for the most part, I can hear the birds, the neighbors are okay, and it is convienent to get around town. Most of all though, we have no other place to go. The possiblity of being homeless is a very good motivator.

You wonder why I am so scared? I have been homeless before. I don't want to go back there again. Thus the anxiety over the possiblity of losing my home. Perhaps I will write about it, perhaps I won't. But now it's lunchtime and I want to eat pizza.