December Snow

It has finally begun to snow here. There is something about December snow that uplifts and brightens my mood. Perhaps it is a holdover from childhood, when snow was a magical thing and a joy to behold. There is a line in "Frosty the Snowman" that goes, "Christmas snow is magical snow. There is nothing like it."
Snow brings out the child in me like nothing else. I immediatly get happy and want to catch snowflakes on my tongue. It chases away, albeit for a brief time, the cares and worries of adult life and gives me a brief moment of childhood happiness.
Thank you God for December snow. Thank you for the reminder of simpler times and simpler joys. Thank you for the reminder that you are never too old to catch snowflakes on your tongue. :)

Many little and not so little things.

It has been a while since I last wrote on this blog. Many new things have happened in my life. Our vehicle broke down and was fixed. We discoverd that the problem with it is...it's old. The mechanic put a stopgap on it, but if that doesn't work we will have to tear down the transmission to find the problem. A very pricey endevour. So, we are looking into our very first new vechicle purchace. A daunting task to say the least. Car payments are as expensive as our rent payments. Can we really afford it? Not really, but we cannot afford the couple thousand it is going to cost to fix the darned thing either. So how do we get by? We keep trying our best is how we get by.

I recently opened an account on facebook. Interesting site facebook, or FB as the users call it. I found several friends that I thought long lost and several found me. We don't talk as much as I would like, I have missed them greatly, but we talk enough. I also found some dear friends on FB as well. I think I talk too much to them. They seem a bit annoyed by me. Sorry dear ones. I really don't mean to be annoying. Simply put, I miss you and like to talk to you every chance I get. :)

I am a very social creature. Except when I am not. I love to talk to friends and family whenever I get the chance, but, being Bipolar there are times when I don't want to talk to anybody. My FB friend Mindy is going on a walk for Mental Health on Sunday. I wish I could join her, but with my knees as bad as they are, walking is almost impossible now. Good luck Mindy, I am with you in spirit.

I know this is an atypial blog post for me. My apologies to my regular readers, all two of you. :D I have to write about what is happening in my life. Hmm my "I" key just fell off my laptop. Another installment in the wide, wierd world that is called my life.

Perfection

I know that perfection is impossible to reach but yesterday I came as close as I possibly could. I made the perfect apple pie. The crust was light and flakey, the filling was still slightly crisp, but perfectly sweet and spicy. The top crust was a light, golden brown and there was no spillage of the filling. I am so thrilled!

You may ask why this is such a big deal to me. Simple. I can make wonderful cakes and cookies but pies have always illuded me. The filling isn't right or the crust is too hard or cardboard like. I finally hit on the perfect pie crust recipe and method for making the crust. Oh, I am so happy! :)

Blessed

We have been so blessed lately. THings are going well for us. We have the one thing that we have always wanted, *enough*. Enoungh food to fill our bellies, enough money to pay our bills and have some left over for other things, enough towels to dry us, enough toys to play with and enough love to go around.
We are blessed and I am glad.

A Deeper Shade of Blue

Depression is one of the most insidious forms of mental illness. I suffer from Manic Depression, which means I can have wild mood swings. Mostly though I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to eat, I don't want to move. My life seems to go in slow motion. I get snippy and grumpy. The whole world seems to misunderstand me and I it.
The world as a whole, says that they understand depression, but when someone is depressed addresses that person as though they have a cold or a virus that can simply be medicated and fixed. That isn't how it works.
Depression is a disease like diabetes. When a diabetic has problems with thier insulin levels, they have to adjust their mediciation and try to live through the issues the best that they can. There is no cure for diabetes, yet. There is no cure for depression either. Although there are many television commercials that will tell you if you take this certain medication your depression will get better, they are lying. Medication is only part of the treatment of depression. Working with a doctor and a therapist is imparative. Even then there are going to be issues that have to be worked through. There is no easy answer or cure for depression.

I went off track on my thoughts and they wrote themselves. Try to be more understanding of someone who suffers from Depression. They cannot simply cheer up, they cannot "get over it". They are survivors who need your understanding and support.

July Afternoon

It has been a very quiet July day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining and I am alone. After the events and losses over the past couple weeks, I will take the quiet. My husband is out working on his various projects and my son's are spending quality time with their grandparents. I am enjoying myself with various little things that make me happy like listening to the birds, playing my video game and doing nothing at all.
There is a great value in doing nothing. It centers us and makes us still. In today's world we are not still enough. Too much running and going and email and texting makes our world such a loud and busy place. You can't go into a bathroom without somoene on their phone in the stall next to you! Gaah. Give me a quiet day, a day for some downtime. No phones, no computer, no tv. You will see me a much healthier and happier person for it.

Being still

I spent today in quiet stillness. No tv, radio or internet. I listened to the quiet and was still with it.
I need that every now and again. When the world is becoming too loud and too intrusive into my life I need to take a day of peace. I suggest you do the same.

Who is the bad guy, really?

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Anxious

I am a very anxious person. I cannot remember a day that I didn't feel anxious about something. I wish I didn't. I wish that experience hadn't taught me to wait for the other shoe to drop or the hammer to fall. But experience is the hardest teacher, and she is a real bitch.

This week we are supposed to be inspected by our apartment caretakers. Even though they called me and told me that the inspection was cancelled, I don't believe them. Experience has taught me that if it is too good to be true, it probibly is. So, we are scrubbing the apartment from top to bottom just to make certain that the caretakers have nothing to complain about and evict us.

I don't want to move again. I like it here. It is quiet for the most part, I can hear the birds, the neighbors are okay, and it is convienent to get around town. Most of all though, we have no other place to go. The possiblity of being homeless is a very good motivator.

You wonder why I am so scared? I have been homeless before. I don't want to go back there again. Thus the anxiety over the possiblity of losing my home. Perhaps I will write about it, perhaps I won't. But now it's lunchtime and I want to eat pizza.

A Moment of Peace

The sun is out and shining brightly, tomorrow there will be rain, but for now the day is soft and beautiful. I have lite a candle and my son's are in their respective rooms. All is quiet except for the sounds of the birds in the budding trees. Peace washes over me. I know that soon the cares of the world will rear their ugly heads and will have to deal with the everyday problems of life. But,

For now I am calm.
For now I am at peace.
and that is enough.

Don't Panic

Last Friday I was informed by my employer of 12 years that my beloved candy store is now up for sale. He took great joy in watching me flinch. When I asked him when he decided to sell the store he calmly informed me, with a smile on his face, that is was while I was on a small vacation. All the relaxation that I had obtained over that mini-vacation dissapeared in a heartbeat.

What will I do for a job?
How will I take care of my family?
Was I not greatful enough for my life?
Is God punishing me?
Did I not believe enough?
Hadn't I been a good enough employee?

All of these questions flashed through my head and heart in a moment. I spent a couple of days depressed over my situation. Then I realized that whatever happens will happen and being depressed will do nothing to help.

As a wise woman said to me, "It will be what it will be."
I must learn to take these things as they come and face the challenge that is placed before me.
How do you handle situations that stress you out?

Faith with Teeth

It's 4:00 am on a rainy April morning. It is still very dark outside and the temperature hovers just above 35 degrees. 800 miles away my best friend is already dressed and has begun her day. She is getting her kids up for school and prepairing for the long drive to a job. This job won't last though, like so many people she is working as a temp.

I truely admire my friend for working at a job that requires her to drive an hour to get to work, getting to work an hour early to avoid the traffic and still keeping sane. She loves her family so much that she gives up a lot of her time for this job that will dissapear so she can take care of them. She works all day and then drives the hour and some back home and is welcomed back to her family. Then the real job begins, the job of being wife and mom. She loves her family and will do anything to protect it and has done so in the past. She tends to their needs, the needs of three lazy cats and one very loving dog. Did I mention that she is also a licenced pastor?

What makes this woman so admirable is her spirit. She does everything with love. She sees her job not as a neccesity but an opportunity to spread the love of God to those who she works for. I am not talking about preaching, but living the love of God and showing by example a life worth living. When she is approached on how she gets through all the difficulties that life throws her way, she gently shares her faith. She never crams, she never pushes, she lives what she believes. Belief helps get her through the difficulties that life throws and believe me life has thrown some real doozys at her. Her faith has teeth.

Would that we all had faith with teeth I truely believe that the world would not be in as bad of place as it is now. The hopelessness that permeates the very air we breathe would be replaced with faith and hope. People would stop trying to screw one another and live better lives. They would reach out to their fellow mankind and give him a hand up. We would not dread waking up on a cold April mornings, rather we would face each day knowing that God walks along side of us and there is nothing He cannot handle.

Stupid News Rant

So how can you tell it is a slow news day? When you open your web browser and the first thing that comes up is that Oprah Twittered for the first time today. Someone tell me why this is important. With the economy in the dump and us still at war some celebratty (yes that is spelled the way I want it to be) posts a tweet in the middle of her show is newsworthy. Come on people! There has to be better things to report on that the self-important celebs ignoring their audience and guests so they can post on the web. Seriously, I would rather see kittens falling asleep than hear about what the celebs are doing. Report on something worth-while for goodness sake!

Springtime musings

It is finally spring here. After many boughts of snow and sleet I think that spring has finally come. It is April 16th., day after tax day. I got our taxes done back in January, but our son's taxes needed to be done. I did his the first week of April. It turns out he owed the government money and that made me angry. He is only 15 and shouldn't owe anything. *sigh* showes how screwed up our government got under W.