Being still

I spent today in quiet stillness. No tv, radio or internet. I listened to the quiet and was still with it.
I need that every now and again. When the world is becoming too loud and too intrusive into my life I need to take a day of peace. I suggest you do the same.

Who is the bad guy, really?

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Anxious

I am a very anxious person. I cannot remember a day that I didn't feel anxious about something. I wish I didn't. I wish that experience hadn't taught me to wait for the other shoe to drop or the hammer to fall. But experience is the hardest teacher, and she is a real bitch.

This week we are supposed to be inspected by our apartment caretakers. Even though they called me and told me that the inspection was cancelled, I don't believe them. Experience has taught me that if it is too good to be true, it probibly is. So, we are scrubbing the apartment from top to bottom just to make certain that the caretakers have nothing to complain about and evict us.

I don't want to move again. I like it here. It is quiet for the most part, I can hear the birds, the neighbors are okay, and it is convienent to get around town. Most of all though, we have no other place to go. The possiblity of being homeless is a very good motivator.

You wonder why I am so scared? I have been homeless before. I don't want to go back there again. Thus the anxiety over the possiblity of losing my home. Perhaps I will write about it, perhaps I won't. But now it's lunchtime and I want to eat pizza.

A Moment of Peace

The sun is out and shining brightly, tomorrow there will be rain, but for now the day is soft and beautiful. I have lite a candle and my son's are in their respective rooms. All is quiet except for the sounds of the birds in the budding trees. Peace washes over me. I know that soon the cares of the world will rear their ugly heads and will have to deal with the everyday problems of life. But,

For now I am calm.
For now I am at peace.
and that is enough.

Don't Panic

Last Friday I was informed by my employer of 12 years that my beloved candy store is now up for sale. He took great joy in watching me flinch. When I asked him when he decided to sell the store he calmly informed me, with a smile on his face, that is was while I was on a small vacation. All the relaxation that I had obtained over that mini-vacation dissapeared in a heartbeat.

What will I do for a job?
How will I take care of my family?
Was I not greatful enough for my life?
Is God punishing me?
Did I not believe enough?
Hadn't I been a good enough employee?

All of these questions flashed through my head and heart in a moment. I spent a couple of days depressed over my situation. Then I realized that whatever happens will happen and being depressed will do nothing to help.

As a wise woman said to me, "It will be what it will be."
I must learn to take these things as they come and face the challenge that is placed before me.
How do you handle situations that stress you out?